“We accept the love we think we deserve”
Those words were constantly on my mind as I cried on my psychologist office. I had hurt the one’s I loved the most because I haven’t love myself enough (and first). It might sound cheezy but we can’t love others if we don’t have any love to give! Sadly, I learned the lesson in a tough way and I wished I’ve known it before.
I grew up in a place where love wasn’t usually expressed in a tangible way. No because we didn’t love eachother but because we weren’t quite expressive.
Even though I was taught that way, I am a romantic and loving person. I had some issues, I had to solve, but I did not on time.
It’s never too late, I am a proof of that, but I wish I had worked on myself before those issues turned into problems and lastly on offenses to the one’s I cared the most.
Now, had been say that. I can tell you some of the WRONG ideas about love I had, that were intoxicating me and my relationship with others.
- “You must give yourself up”. I am a single mom daughter and I grew up watching my mom work so hard to give me what I needed. Often she told me that she loved me so much she had to work for us to be okay. Now, as a young adult, I understand what she meant. But I translated that unto my life and, as a teenager, I became everyone’s keeper. I believed I had to give everything I was (both physically and emotionally) to the boy I liked so he may feel loved. WRONG. The result? I went dry and empty. You should never give the love you have for yourself to other person. No matter how much you love them, you can’t love someone more than you love yourself.
- “If God had let me to be with him, it’s because he is the one”. Now I read that phrase and I laughed at myself for saying it so many times! I can’t defend myself for this, I was so blind to see it and I didn’t want to accept the fact that I had made a wrong decisition or maybe I just wanted to avoid the reality in which I was living. So, I excused myself and used God as my excused.
Funny! Because at the beginning I didn’t prayed God to guide me on my relationship but then I was “blamming” Him for my situation.
- “I can’t say no”. As I child I was taught to say yes to any favor and do it with a smile. Even though I wanted to say no. My mom and grandma were always runnin’ and in a hurry to do favors all the time. I guessed, as a child, that’s how it was supposed to be.
Until almost two years ago I was unable to say no. I felt guilty when I did. In consequence I was doing thigs I didn’t want to for people I “liked” or just felt pity for them (I must admit the list include dates, kisses and unpleasant favors).
I can’t say everything was wrong in my love life. I fell inlove-and hard. I was being loved back-and a lot. But I wasn’t capable of accepting that loved, because I didn’t even know what love was truly about!
After I cheated my ex boyfriend and hurt not only him but a few more people and myself. I realized I had to do something. I started a psychology process that, honestly, changed my life and saved me from the path I was going. I learned about those unsolved issues I had and actually solve them. I started a real relationship with God, that helped me to know who I really am and what love is.
It have been almost two years since I divorce from my old self. I have a new relationship with God, me, family and my caring boyfriend. Now I can love with a more healthy love, and I honestly have never felt more loved. So, yeah! We actually accept the love we think we deserve.